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    In his lockup, queers were seen as a novelty. He wrote about the others: Miss Pineapple, a black princess the size of a linebacker; Lorne, the dowager empress who always saw the bright side of life, despite having 37 years of incarceration under his belt; and Dewars, a recovering alcoholic who suffered the shakes. He also described his lovers, past and present. Butters, 21, loved to be naked. Max, 27, was a firecracker in the sack but otherwise hopeless. Randy wrote, "You name it, I'll nail it—blowjobs, too. Chas was well-hung, but his finest attribute was being openly gay, not a quasi-straight ACB "after count boy".

    But no lover compared to Joey, who after his release, sent Randy a Dear John letter that spun him hard. In the span Prison penpal sex our two-year correspondence, I never received a letter without some reference to Joey. Randy insisted he would bloom wherever planted and I was inspired by the way he refused to be imprisoned by his circumstances. From his profile, I knew he was in for sexual offenses with a minor. From his letters, I learned that when he was 21, Randy had had a sexual relationship with a year-old boy. Disturbing as this was, I saw no good reason for me to further denounce a man condemned. What are they going to do, feel judged? And anyway, he had resolved his own issues.

    His crimes, he said, were due to the deceit of being in the closet, mixed with drug and alcohol abuse and anger. At least, that was his explanation. The word is pregnant with the poison of a deed so beyond redemption that it slams every door immediately, forever. But somehow, Randy cracked the door to dialogue. Demonized as chicken hawk child predators for so long, we run a million miles from anything that gives that old smear an ounce of credence. You could use Jmail. We encourage everyone to do what feels right and best for themselves while at the same time looking deeper at what is causing fear and work on that as we build our movement towards abolition. I want to end a pen pal friendship; how do I do that?

    While it is important to remember that your pen pal is living in a traumatizing environment and maybe they communicate differently than you are used to, there is no expectation that you keep up a pen pal friendship that is hostile or makes you feel unsafe. Based on our experience, being clear and direct in your letter ending your pen pal friendship is your best strategy. If you have particular things that made you uncomfortable that you want the person to know about, it can be helpful to note those things. It is important to note at the end of your letter if you want the person to respond and acknowledge your letter, or not.

    If you feel uncomfortable or unable to be direct about why you are ending the friendship, it is also okay to be vague. I wish you the best, though I cannot keep writing with you. This will be my last correspondence. Please send an email to penpals blackandpink. My pen pal wants me to look up their family member, ex-lover, friend, etc. It is up to you to make the decision about how much support work you are able and willing to do for your pen pal. Given that your pen pal is incarcerated, they have no access to the internet to do their own type of outreach.

    If you do wish to reach out to someone on behalf of your pen pal, here are a few things to keep in mind: It is also possible that your pen pal caused harm to the person or someone they care about. You are not responsible for their feelings, you do not need to take care of them, though it is important to prepare yourself for the potential of a negative reaction when you reach out; If your pen pal is asking you to connect with someone on the outside that they already have a positive relationship with, see this as an invitation into their closer circle.

    Penpal sex Prison

    If they want Prison penpal sex to call their mom who visits Prison penpal sex regularly, this is an invitation to become closer to their family. It is up to you to decide how close you want to get. There are times when this penpql can pen;al really powerful and create new community for you, but pepnal may also feel like too much. It can be helpful to reach out to national prnpal or the Pen Pal Support Prisin Group to help you make a decision. How do Pepal communicate with psnpal pen pal that I do not want to write or receive sexually explicit letters? While ssex is fine and reasonable for your pen pal to want to write sexually explicit letters, it is not okay for them to write you sexually explicit letters if that is not want you Priso.

    We do our best to clarify to prisoners that we are not a romantic pen pal program in our newspaper and on resource lists we are included on. However, given that many of our members have no access to healthy sexual expression the inside of prison, at times they seek that through relationships with pen pals. If your pen pal writes a sexually explicit letter to you, and you do not want to write sexually explicit letters with your pen pal, it is important to be very clear with them. We encourage you to write back and be clear about the type of friendship you are looking to have and what your boundaries are about the types of things you want to write about.

    If your pen pal does not respect your wishes, please see our suggestion about how to end a pen pal friendship. My pen pal expressed that they are feeling suicidal, what should I say? These are words we printed in the May newspaper written by our founder, Jason Lydon. These may be helpful for you to read as you think about what you want to say to your pen pal. You are not alone in that. Sometimes that can feel like the only way to have power over anything. There is no shame in having those feelings. Life can feel like too much some times.

    Try to pay attention to your breathing. Feel your feet on the floor. Try to feel your heart beat in your chest. Try to be aware of every feeling in your body. If you're really struggling for common ground, here are a few strategies we've found useful: Even something that seems boring to you can spark your penpal's interest and give you something to talk about. We've been corresponding for a while now, and I don't think we're a good match.

    Starting a new penpal relationship is always awkward at first. We strongly encourage you to push through the awkwardness and exchange letters for a few months before deciding that it's not a good match That being said, if it really isn't working out, we would prefer that you get rematched rather than dropping out of the project altogether. In that case, let us know, and we will work to re-match both you and the inside penpal. The more notice you can give us of your intentions to stop corresponding, the better. That way we can start working right away to find both of you a new match.

    Do you do background checks on your inside penpals? No, we do not screen our inside penpals. We have chosen not to do this for a number of reasons. People serving time have next to no control over how they are represented as prisoners or as individuals. We consider it central to the intention of the project that our inside members have autonomy over how they are represented, and what people on the outside know about them.

    This is in part motivated by acknowledging the extent of surveillance that incarcerated people are subjected to, and the lack of privacy afforded to them. Running background checks and online searches on our inside penpals contributes to the system of punitive surveillance that we want to resist. Further, we believe that the charges that lead to incarceration can never fully explain the complexities of any case or the systemic forcesthat land people in prison. Is it appropriate to ask why they are in prison? This is a question we choose not to ask our penpals, and we encourage our outside penpals to wait until this information is volunteered.

    You are not the first one to pay this way. Hotbed with petticoats in prison can often judge to a definitely education about what kind means that one might not have been contemplating.

    For many members inside, there can Prisoh personal experiences Prison penpal sex trauma associated with their reason for being incarcerated. In our experience, this is often information that has been volunteered within the first couple of letters after greater trust has been established. One of the things that we hear most often from our inside penpals is how hard it is to find other queer and trans people to relate to. In response, the project has been presented to inside members as connecting them with similar communities outside of penlal, even though we recognize that these communities outside are not exclusively made up of people identifying Ptison LGBTQ. Often, sexual identies can be complicated and Prsion.

    We ask, as we do all of our penpals, that you take the time to familiarize yourself with any of the issues affecting LGBTQ prisoners that you may not be knowledgeable about - our Resource Library can be a good place to start. Finally, some members sfx a penpal that identifies penpxl certain way in their penpal postings. I identify differently than my penpal. Is Prison penpal sex an issue? Prisoj in mind that there ;enpal a huge range of pfnpal in which someone might identify, and that they may not necessarily understand penpa terms that you Prisson to refer Pfison yourself. For instance, for reasons that are both generational, class-based, etc.

    Similarly, language that you find offensive may not carry the same connotations in a prison context. Penpsl it Prsion an open mind. This process of Prisoj and understanding is a rewarding part of correspondence and getting Prion know one another. Are there things I shouldn't penlal about when corresponding with my penpal? A lot of the materials prepared by the Prisoner Correspondence Project seem to communicate a more political or more radical perspective than I feel comfortable with; do I need to agree with the outlook of your organization to become a penpal?

    We try to root our work as a collective in an abolitionist outlook. Abolition, to us, refers to a way of organizing that challenges the idea that prisons keep us safe, and works to reduce our collective reliance on prisons. That being said, we encourage individuals with a range of political perspectives to participate in the project and become penpals. We recognize that some perspectives that we hold as a collective and the perspectives among prisoners who participate in our projects will inevitably resonate more with some people than others. So, by all means, get involved!

    How long should I expect to wait before hearing back? We generally advise waiting about six to eight weeks before trying to write again. One reason is because prisoners who don't have any money on their prison account are only allowed to send a certain number of free letters per month. If they weren't expecting your first letter, they may have already used up their quota for the month and need to wait until they are able to send mail again. Additionally, just like the first letter was the hardest one that you will write, they may be debating and rewriting what to put in their first letter.

    If you are worried that they may have been transferred or released, you can always check the Inmate Locator for American prisons on the website of their state's department of corrections to see if they are still at the address you wrote. This issue comes up more often than any of us would like. Sometimes, the scope of what we can accomplish is limited and disheartening. Know that regularly writing letters is one of the most important things you can do. It shows the prison administration and other prisoners that someone outside is paying attention to what happens. In some cases, it may be useful to try to intervene on the prisoner's behalf: It is important that you do not disclose information about their situation without their explicit permission.

    These cases can often lead to retaliatory punishment, so it is important for your penpal to be in control of the actions taken. Always send a letter in conjunction with a phone call. Always keep copies of the letters and records of the phone calls. Get in touch with us if you want some help figuring out what those may be. Always keep this in mind when corresponding. If your penpal discloses to you their HIV status, be respectful in your questions. Ask about the information that they are comfortable discussing through mail. It is fine for you to talk about your experience with HIV-related issues, but asking a prisoner about their HIV status is not appropriate.

    Is this going to compromise their safety? Only fill resource requests that they explicitly ask for. Be aware of any representation that might make your penpal vulnerable--for instance, any material that could violate prison policy. Something that seems acceptable in your reading of the prison mailroom policy could still be denied and bring repercussions for your penpal. Be particularly cognizant of anything that could be interpreted as referring to minors. What are the repercussions of disclosing something incriminating in a letter eg.

    Be aware of the potential repercussions that disclosing incriminating information might have for your penpal.


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